The Monster under the bed, was an affectionate name for Roscoe. We found out on July 4th that Roscoe was actually a lot older than we thought. He more than acted like a grumpy old man. He was an old man.
Jojo, hadn't been doing well for a long time. He came to us with Angel, and we lost Angel over the summer.
Dad, on Saturday night, July 18th, Brandy called to say that Dad was being taken the emergency room by ambulance to Allegheny general. We found out then he had a heart attack, but he was stable. He did well through Sunday, towards Sunday evening he took a turn for the worse, even then I thought we would be discussing stents being put in on Monday morning. Around 10:30, Dawn called to tell me he took a turn for the words and to get down there if I could. By the time I got my pants on, there was no more time. I was able to say I love you, for that I am extremely extremely grateful. Dawn and Brandy were with him. He was calling out to Grandma. Life has kind of been a blur since.
It hasn't all been doom and gloom. I did get two new parakeets after Ziva tried to feed Sky to Fluffy. We now have Lavender and Lemon drop. They are both males according to my research. Lavender has a beautiful purple color above his beak.
Yes, I am skimming over my dad's death. I can't talk about it now. Dad and I had such a rocky relationship, I just need time. I need to figure it out on my own. At one point, I thought he was just ignoring me, that he didn't want anything to do with me, and then I found out that he just didn't remember how to use his phone. I'm going to take the time I need. I don't know if I'll know when it's time to stop grieving. I don't know who's ever time that it does stop. Or we just learn to deal.
We came to a period in Jamey's liver disease journey that I really wasn't looking forward to. He's been to prescribed lactulose. Which basically means his liver is not compensating as well as it had been. It's a laxative design to remove ammonia from the body and to get it he had to be proven to have HE. It's a case of we knew it would happen, but we didn't want it to.
Lactulose is a prescription man-made sugar solution used to treat long-term constipation and liver-related brain problems. It works as an osmotic laxative by pulling water into your large intestine to soften hard stool.
It's going fairly well. It would be easier if we had more than one bathroom, but it is what it is. I'm hoping some of the changes that led to this medication don't become permanent. But, in all honesty, it's basically a little forgetfulness... I forget things myself. And things HAVE been stressful around here. He was denied SSI again. He couldn't make it to Dad's funeral. Money is always tight. Life is stressful.
- Money. It's always the top of the list. We need a new car before our current one breaks down.
- My health. I don't handle stress well lately. And it's getting worse. I keep breaking out in hives in very painful places. The allergy meds used to be enough, but now I'm doubling 2 different kinds and not having a doctor or insurance is worrisome.
- Family drama.
- Not getting help around the house. Having to fight everyone just to get simple chores done.
- I don't have the energy or will to do much at all.
- I want out. I want to get away from all of this and just be alone. And I feel guilty about that. I don't have the heart nor the drive for any of this anymore. And let's face it, no one's begging me to stay nor are they making things any easier. I miss having dreams, I miss having something to look forward to. And I STILL feel guilty about it.
I don't feel like there is any of me here. I'm not even me. Every time I try to bring a part of myself here, I get shot down. There's no money to fix the floors, my shelves can't be put up, I'm tired, after this game, I will, Give me a minute. Well, I'm tired too. I'm dealing with panic attacks constantly, I don't want the past 36 years to continue. I deserve respect, I deserve help. I'm not the only one living here.
The pity party is over. Not that much has changed other than I am now demanding what I want and it will be done. I'm 2 days away from my 36th anniversary. This family WILL be a family that works together. One of my new boundaries is to demand respect. They'll either do as I ask or live with the consequences and they won't like the consequences. If I have to go in and clean their rooms, everything that creates a mess will be gone. If that means no eating in their rooms? Fine. If that means the dining room turns into dresser storage? Fine. If that means dirty clothes end up in the trash? Fine. Life is not returning to Market, Franklin or Buffalo Streets. I'm standing up for myself.
And Monday and Tuesday? There's only Jamey and myself home. Tomorrow, I'm cutting up the kitchen carpet. possibly, I may wait until I can pick up something to seal it until I can afford tile. I'll let both Jim and Ed know that I'll do what I want. Those two need to be taken down a peg or two with the attitude. The carpeting in the four rooms is the smell. Removing it will make us all healthier.
The people before us left a cat unattended. My own animals aren't helping matters. I think the carpeting on the stairs comes up today.
- Lawn is mowed (Eddie)
- Dishes are done.
- Counter and table in kitchen cleaned.
- 1 load of laundry (except folding.)
- Fold 3 loads of laundry
- Wash the rest of the laundry
- Dry the rest of the laundry
- Vacuum
- Litter pans (Eddie)
- Dinner
- Dishes
- 1 kitchen wall
- Stove
- Freezer
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