It's a chilly Friday morning

Ok who the heck am I trying to kid? It's flipping freezing. I woke up to 30 degrees f. It's now 41. I have 3 candles burning in the tent. They're not helping much. 

Don't mind my mess. It's rough finding storage. 

There's currently some critter running outside the tent. It could be a bird, it could be a bear. Probably just a squirrel or deer though. 

It's a lot later now. It did eventually warm up. I still don't know what critter was outside the tent. My youngest should be getting back from his new job (first day) Jim should be getting off work now. 

Things will work out. 

Sitting here trying to remember if I took my meds

I'm fairly sure I did, but allergies are kicking my butt today. Fall and Spring. It doesn't fail. And it doesn't help that I'm allergic to ferrets. I just fed the animals. We have some cleaning up to do this weekend with the cats as well. 

Yes, I'm allergic to the byproduct of my animals. Not the hair, the urine. No, I'm not getting rid of them. Allergie meds take care of it. I'm also weird and allergic to tea. That, I gave up. The ability to swallow is important. Plus the rash is really really itchy and burns.

This is my current view. It got warmer today than expected, but it's still cool in the shade. The outfit of the day is blank tank, neon skull leggings with faux Crocs. 

Finding time to post is still hard

Part of my anxiety is paranoia. It's not the delusional kind most of the time. I am still worried about Flystrike and ticks. Mostly because they freak me out. I'm really good at telling myself that I'm an idiot with those. 

But then there's the worry that people I no longer want in my life are reading and talking. That's not baseless. It has happened both online and off. Right now, I'm in the mindset that it doesn't matter. I'm not asking anyone for anything, I'm not talking down about crap and I'm not searching them out. If they have nothing else left in life to do other than to hunt me down online? Who cares if they find it funny. It honestly says much more about them than me. 

It's Money Bowl Thursday!

Each Thursday, I refresh my money bowl. It's kinda spread out to a whole table now. 

The bowl itself is based with herb and crystal infused rice for abundance and protection. Of course coins and paper money. My PayPal card with what little we have saved. There are written manifestations, as well as sigils. Cinnamon sticks, star anise, keys, pendants for luck and love. My Happy Burger, a few of my smaller crystals, and today I added one of my Rose of Jericho. The dollar bills are wrapped around cinnamon sticks as are the affirmations not buried in the rice. 

The jewelry box holds my bracelets charging and cleansing with selenite. As well as the two necklaces I always wear. 

I am being very careful with the incense and candles. My focus is on abundance, protection and doing all things in kindness and love. 

Today is October 8th

I'm sleepy. I woke up about 7:30 am and ate, but it was cold, so I snuggled back into bed listening to my phone and went back to sleep. 

Last night, we made $57.00. $30 goes into the gas tank for tonight. And we ate. Thankfully, I still have drinks in the tent. My breakfast was a leftover burrito. Tonight should be better. 

We make a few hundred a week dashing. The daily pay makes it easy. But it's impossible to save up. 

This pay period, at least, we don't have to wait until midnight to cash out. You can only cash out once a day. If we need to have money for an emergency before we have the money for food early even one day, we're dashing until midnight and it's hard on Jim who has to be at work at 8 am. 

My daily routine keeps changing. It makes it difficult to focus. I was taking care of my neice's horses until she rehomed them. Now, I just have the cats and ferrets and they're easy. 

Most of my beautiful crystals are in storage. Yes, I kept them. I still plan on counting them once I get a chance. And I am working on myself. What I truly believe. I know that the days that I can work on my money rituals, we do better dashing. I know that since I burned cedar in the tent yesterday, I feel calmer. 

I am working on my alter. I still believe in Christ. And I do follow his teachings. I also know that Christ was a man and the Creator is God. But the Heavenly father would not have said to put no other god before him if there were no others. And we weren't given free will not to question anything we don't fully understand.  

The truth is that TerrorMom doesn't have a home

My family was evicted in July. Since then, my home has been either a tent or a hay barn. I guess right now it's both. We sleep in the tent. 

"We" is Jim and I. He still works full time. We now door dash in the evenings. 

Let me go to the beginning:

Over a year ago, I came down sick. I was coughing to the point of peeing my pants, I was exhausted all the time, I was so damned weak. I couldn't walk upstairs without breathing heavy, coughing, the works. I was afraid that 40 years of smoking had caught up with me. Then, I thought I was having a heart attack. My blood pressure was through the roof, I spent the night in the hospital. The stress test... 0/10 do not recommend. 

Fast forward, 1 year later, walking still causes shortness of breath, I still get uvulitis fairly often, my heart and surprisingly my lungs are good. The tiredness, weakness and headaches are caused by constructive sleep apnea. The uvulitis by allergies. 

For whatever decided that menopause came with the bodies aversion to nearly everything? Ugh. 

I have quit smoking. I do currently still vape. And my caffeine addiction is cut down greatly. I still adore a good Columbine roast. 

The "heart attack" was a full out panic attack. I have a diagram. 

I was living at a 4-7 for over a decade with anxiety. 4 was a GOOD day.  I went up to a 10. It's been hovering between 6 and 9 since. I'm doing what I can to get back. 

We were doing ok ish until Ed lost his job. That's his story to tell. Once his unemployment ran out, the cat was gone, the storage unit with most of my skeletons was gone, and July 17th, we lost the apartment.We're currently waiting to find out if Ed has a new job. 

It honestly feels so long ago now. It really hasn't been long. I keep beating myself up that we should have money saved. We could, if we didn't need to eat. If there weren't expenses to driving a car, borrowed or owned. 

I know we are so much luckier than some. Jim works full time, we both go out part time for door dashing. While the boys are in better shape, Jim and I have no access to running water. Indoor lighting. Heat. Refrigeration. A way to cook. I use battery banks for my phone. We have solar powered ones and charge others at work. I use bath wipes to bathe daily and grab occasional showers at my neice's. 

We have the cats and ferrets. We lost Angel pretty early on. The cats are in an enclosed catio. The ferrets in their cage. Currently Miss Chloe is on the loose because she escaped while moving the catio to clean. She showed herself a few times today, I'm not quick enough to catch her. 

We will make it out of this. And we'll be stronger for it.