12/13/15

Sunday Musings


OK I'm not feeling so Bah Hum Bug today. It's been a nice relaxing day. Jamey is still kinda sick, meaning he's not vomiting as much as he was. I am beginning to panic because Ed has that appointment tomorrow and I don't have a ride to it. I already rescheduled and forgot it, this is the third time. (My mind is shot.)



I had a discussion with Jamey. He outright asked me if I had figured out Christmas yet. I don't believe in fibbing to the kids even about the tough stuff. If they can ask, they can expect the truth. He told me that he hasn't looked forward to Christmas for a few years now (which made me sad) That the most important part is spending time with family (which made me happy.) And that the gifts are nice, but they are not the most important thing. (which made me extremely happy.) One way or another, I will figure something out. I have a bit of time left. But, I know I raised my kids right. I did something really good.


I wish I could talk to my Dad and figure out where the hell his head is. Mom came home yesterday, today he's out shooting at the club. There is no doubt about it: Mom is dying. She is in respiratory failure with less than 30% of her lungs working. He spends all day upstairs, out somewhere, or at the club. He comes home, eats in his room and maybe spends 20 minutes at a time with her. He is going to regret this later. He is going to wish that he spent this time with her. Yes, it's hard to see. She is no where near the person she was when we were younger. But, right now, shes breathing, her heart is beating, and she is one of the strongest (or most stubborn) people I know. And for the most part, she's still with in her right mind. She gets a little confused, but she does know whats going on most of the time. 



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@TerrorMom

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I guess I'm actually supposed to fill this out. I'm a passionate medical mom of a 19 year old liver/CRPS patient. My goal with my blog is to raise awareness for his conditions. And to hash out my feelings about it. There are a lot of raw emotions when your life is suddenly stalled by any illness, let alone your child's illness. 

I'm also attempting to either "find myself" or "remake myself". So much of my time and energy goes into caring for both my mother (end stage COPD) and son, along with trying to be Mom to my younger son and a wife, that most of the time I feel lost. I tend to put myself on a back burner and right now I'm burning out. 
 

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