OK I've Been MIA

It's been busy here. But, I have a few things done, more to go, and things are ok right now. As soon as I'm done here, I'm headed down stairs to start finishing what needs to happen for Christmas here and we have a few things to look forward to in the New Year. Some pretty drastic changes coming up for my Mom. I'm hoping GOOD changes for her. Changes that will add a lot more quality to her life. (I'm really excited about that aspect. She's more nervous.) And honestly, it's changes that will help me s well.

As things stand right now, if I have to be in Pittsburgh all day with Jamey, I leave with Jim in the morning, Ed leaves for school and Mom is left on her own with Dad sleeping until 10-1 o'clock. I have been able at times to make sure she has a cooler of food for breakfast and lunch, but she can't even go to the kitchen for fresh coffee if she needs it. She's alone and basically defenseless. With this new program, I can make a phone call and a few arrangements and Someone will be here with her. Maybe not the entire time, but she'll be at least able to have breakfast and coffee and conversation. If Jamey is hospitalized, Mom is here for days on her own, Jim's coming home to make dinner. Ed will help Mom when he gets home from school, but he's a fourteen year old boy. And last time Jamey was admitted, it was during football season where he was at practice until late. And with at least one admission, her medication ended up so messed up that she missed her pain medication for a week and ended up going into a dangerous withdrawal. 

I'm not attempting to cut anyone down with this, I'm just telling the truth. I need the help this program offers to know that I can choose to be with my son without the guilt of abandoning my Mom. The comments I get about it are that Jamey is old enough to be there on his own. And in some cases yes, BUT, Jamey is distrustful of Doctors and no matter how we look at things, he is a nineteen year old boy with a now terminal illness who is in constant pain that is measurable in the higher numbers on the pain chart in 3 to 4 different parts of his body at the same time. I talk alot about the headaches, and side pain. For months, it's been both sides, his head, his back and lately, his groin. He's scared. And he has decisions to make that no nineteen year old should ever have to. And I'm his mother. My job of protecting him and advising him did not stop at midnight on June 24th, 2014. I'm in this for the long haul. I still dream of him having a near normal life in the future. 

Well, considering I just deleted two paragraphs because I said I wouldn't cut anyone down and then preceded to do just that, it might be time to step away and go get things done. Merry Christmas Eve folks. May you find your family close beside around the tree. If you don't celebrate, enjoy the day and feel all warm and fuzzy for me. Either way, have a great day. 



My photo

I guess I'm actually supposed to fill this out. I'm a passionate medical mom of a 19 year old liver/CRPS patient. My goal with my blog is to raise awareness for his conditions. And to hash out my feelings about it. There are a lot of raw emotions when your life is suddenly stalled by any illness, let alone your child's illness. 

I'm also attempting to either "find myself" or "remake myself". So much of my time and energy goes into caring for both my mother (end stage COPD) and son, along with trying to be Mom to my younger son and a wife, that most of the time I feel lost. I tend to put myself on a back burner and right now I'm burning out. 

At Home With TerrorMom Template by Ipietoon Cute Blog Design and Bukit Gambang