6/26/15

What I'm going to try to do here

This blog is called "At Home With TerrorMom" and I have been completely ignoring it. A lot of it is because my home life has a lot of negative at the moment. It has for a long time. I have a sick kid, a sick Mom. I'm running on stress. So why don't I use what I used to love to break some of that stress?

And, this blog gives me a platform to be heard. It gives me a voice. And I've been using it completely wrong. I do have some positive in my life. I DO have a healthy child. Although my oldest is very sick and in massive pain, he's alive and kicking and even he laughs a lot more often than I do.

I'll be the first to admit that J's diagnosis changed me. It made me bitter. Fighting as much as I have to just get to where we are now is exhausting. But dammit, I did it. I don't know where my head was about the family support. It has never been there. Why should I have expected differently? I was basically setting myself up for that fall and I have no one to blame but myself. And you really want to know what, I'm ok with it. We will be just fine. And knowing all that, I don't have to worry about stepping on anyone's toes. I am completely free to be me. It's a plus!

I don't expect thousands of followers a day hanging on to my every word. But I do have a lot to say and at times, it's not going to be silly, at times I want to be taken completely seriously. We are dealing with some very serious issues. I want to help others. I want to support others. Even those who aren't exactly in our position. Because, quite frankly, having a sick kid and a sick Mom sucks. Not knowing if my Mom is going to live out the year royally sucks, but not knowing if my kid is going to live 10 years is terrifying.

My parents are a great source of stress and frustration, but when it comes right down to it. I love them. Loving them does not mean I have to like them all of the time. Hell, I only like my husband about three fourths of the time. But I always love him.

So for today, home means I have laundry to do, a kitchen to clean, medication to get, breakfast and coffee, a kid at football camp and a ferret ready to attack my feet.

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@TerrorMom

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I guess I'm actually supposed to fill this out. I'm a passionate medical mom of a 19 year old liver/CRPS patient. My goal with my blog is to raise awareness for his conditions. And to hash out my feelings about it. There are a lot of raw emotions when your life is suddenly stalled by any illness, let alone your child's illness. 

I'm also attempting to either "find myself" or "remake myself". So much of my time and energy goes into caring for both my mother (end stage COPD) and son, along with trying to be Mom to my younger son and a wife, that most of the time I feel lost. I tend to put myself on a back burner and right now I'm burning out. 
 

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